Squash Mad

Racketball: 57 guesses to come up with a new name

Does racketball need a new name?

Does racketball need a new name?

Stand by for a racketball revolution as new name is about to be announced

By Alan Thatcher, Squash Mad Editor

News reaches Squash Mad HQ from our outer space branch office that a decision has been reached for a new name for racketball. 

Please bear in mind that not a single racketball (or racquetball) player asked for a new name for their game. But let’s cut to the chase. (Yes, you can put cut on to a big, bouncy racketball, but we digress.)

The new name for racketball …. (cue drum roll, and make your sure you have a comfy chair to collapse into, or a soft carpet nearby if you happen to be reading this in a club bar somewhere) …. is …..

Wait for it, wait for it ……

SQUASH 57.

Yes. That’s it: Squash 57.

Calls from an incredulous public have already clogged up the Squash Mad switchboard, overwhelmed our internet server, and forced hordes of players to camp outside the door to Court Three in utter bewilderment.

A representative of the world’s leading racquetball / racketball manufacturers nearly choked on her fortified wine when she heard the news, which is spreading like wildfire across a planet full of enthusiastic racquetball / racketball players.

She spluttered: “I had to check the calendar. It’s not April the first, is it? We are one of the biggest racket brands in the world but I can assure you that we were not consulted about this.

“I imagine this must be the work of a committee locked away in a darkened room somewhere, thousands of miles away from the real world.

“Whoever came up with this idea has no idea of the commercial implications. We have thousands of dollars’ worth of racketball stock out there in the market place.

“To rebrand all of our existing stock, reprint all of our brochures, rewrite all of our website pages and redesign every single piece of our racketball products would cost a fortune.

“It is not going to happen.”

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TAKEN: Website domain names that were secured on April 28 this year

Some comments have been censored because we know we have a number of young, sensitive readers, but here is a sample of some of the remarks received at Squash Mad Towers this morning.

“Who came up with this crazy ******* idea? We play racketball. We love racketball. We will always play racketball and call it racketball. No one will take any notice of this.”

An irate club secretary demanded: “Who is going to pay for all the rebranding costs of every club or county which includes squash and racketball in their name? I can see a revolution over this. There is absolutely no need for this.”

Another caller screamed down the phone: “Is this supposed to represent the average of age of racketball players? Or their waist sizes? Or is it the IQ of the people who came up with this ******* ++*** **!++ idea?”

So, why 57? As we all know (or more likely, no-one knew or cared) that a racketball is 57mm in diameter. Genius!

COMMENT: Feel free to add further comments below.

 

Posted on August 26, 2016

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About The Author

Alan Thatcher

Lifelong sports journalist and squash lover. Event promoter, coach, author, voice artist. Founder of World Squash Day.

15 Comments

  1. Matt August 26, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    Genuinely thought this was a “NewsThump”-esque article…

  2. Paul Selby August 26, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Whoever came up with that is either taking us for a ride or being paid far too much money which could have been used to get more kids on to court. The WSF are out of touch with Squash so how the hell they know what the racketball population want I have not got a clue. Let’s hope that commonsense prevails and no right minded player or club owner takes any notice of this ill conceived idea. The people who sit in these ivory towers think they know their sport but from this it comes of no surprise they don’t. I really hope this is a practical joke but something tells me it might be true.

    • Michael Harris August 26, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Ask the Americans. They want the change! Racquetball

    • Alan Gregg August 26, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      As the American ball is bigger why would they use this new name? It makes no sense for the UK but is totally ridiculous for the US.

  3. Marc Thomas August 26, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Not true, surely??

  4. Ted Gross August 26, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Not sure that would be the best option in terms of introducing the sport in the States, especially for those not familiar with squash such as the Lower East Side community where the first New York City public court is planned for this fall.

  5. Luke Bishop August 26, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    I am UK racketball number 2, after next months ranking i will be UK number 1 at racketball. Notice how i say racketball. Embarassed to even say the new name.

  6. Peter vann August 27, 2016 at 10:39 am

    Total insanity !

  7. Richard Millman August 27, 2016 at 11:14 am

    Renaming the hopelessly named UK Racketball under the umbrella of Squash is by far the most sensible idea for the sport.
    Racketball is far too similar to Racquetball and would never have been accepted in the USA where it has potential to grow as Squash.
    I recommend that critics take a moment to consider the potential of the game to become a global power once it is brought under the Squash umbrella – rather than the current local brand exclusive to the UK only.
    Wouldn’t Tim Vail like to be a world champion?
    Sometimes it’s good to consider a broader view….

  8. Ted Gross August 27, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    Richard you make some good points.

    But in the States I would recommend calling it ‘Short Court Racquetball’.

    You would gain the interest of thousands of existing ‘American Racquetball’ players, which squash doesn’t do effectively.

  9. David Scurlock August 27, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    I take onboard all your points but I think Heinz came up with a great idea.

  10. Siobhan Garland August 27, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Please tell me this is a joke!!! As a coach in the far, far South West I have enough trouble getting people on court for squash as its still not in the Olympics, and is not highly publicised, I can at least explain Racketball as ‘it’s what it says on the tin’ what the hell am I supposed to say for squash 57??? It doesn’t even roll off the tongue like Heinz 57… someone is laughing all the way to the bank on this one!

  11. Phil Whitaker August 30, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    Personally I think it should be Squash Plus – it uses a plus size racket, plus size ball, has a plus sized time to play the ball and is accessible to a plus sized number of people. Squash 57 is just plain daft.

  12. Rob September 2, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    Ridiculous. Racketball is not squash and should not have squash in the name. It should be a different game. At my club all players seem to want to use the black ball. So why bothert? Just play squash.

  13. Peter Rutledge October 24, 2016 at 10:08 am

    The racketball we play in the UK is a bastardised form of the US game because it’s played on a squash court rather than a racquetball court. If you want to call it something else it should be B-racquetball. However, it’s still racketball/racquetball and calling it Squash 57 is simply a very stupid attempt at empire building by the WSF. Perhaps racketball is becoming too popular and they’re running scared….. I’m sure that common sense will prevail, if not at the WSF then among the game’s players, and hopefully, ‘Squash 57’ will soon join the list of outstanding marketing bloopers, beside ‘New Coke’ and ‘Coke II’.

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