Thursday, March 28, 2024

Blog: It’s official, God backs the 2020 squash bid

Godsign

By ALAN THATCHER

The Squash 2020 Bid has received some late support from on high.

According to this sign outside a church in America,  the IOC risks a wrath worse than a plague of frogs, or an attack by an army of sweaty, hairy-backed wrestlers (and that’s just the women) if it fails  vote squash into the 2020 Olympic Games.

The sign highlights a new 11th Commandment, published by The Lamb Of God Christian Ministries, warning the IOC that they will burn in hell if  squash misses out on the imminent Big Vote in Buenos Aires.

I can just imagine a mobile phone ringing near a burning bush outside the IOC headquarters in Switzerland.

“Hello? Is that Mr Rogge? The Mr Rogge who runs the Olympics?”

“Yes. How can I help you?”

“It’s God here, Mr Rogge. Not wishing to claim any unfair advantage in the voting process, you understand, but please warn your members that any failure to vote in a certain racket sport for 2020 might lead to a few complications later in life for those responsible.

“My chaps on the ground are keeping a close eye on the voting process and we don’t want any messy politics spoiling what should be a purely sporting agenda, you understand.

“I would just like you to re-read the stories about David and Goliath, and although America and Russia collared most of the wrestling medals in London last year, it doesn’t give the USA or Mr Putin the right to bully smaller nations into  voting to get those sweaty oiks back in without 40 months or so in the IOC wilderness. Hope you understand, old sport.”

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World Series events are like London buses. You wait four months then two turn up at once.

That’s what world champion Ramy Ashour is saying as he opts to miss the US Open to prepare for the World Open in Manchester.

Ramy has asked for promoters and the PSA to arrange a World Tour calendar with sufficient gaps between events for players to rest and recuperate.

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I’ve got a ticket for a brand awareness conference in sport. It’s at the Ikea Oval.

 

 

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