Saturday, February 24, 2024

Meet the Squash Mad Hero Of The Month May 2014: Henry Withrington

When the going gets tough, court jester Henry gets going

The irrepressible Henry Withrington, the arch-pisshead of Canterbury
The irrepressible Henry Withrington, the arch-pisshead of Canterbury

Meet Henry Withrington, Squash Mad’s Hero of the Month for May 2014!

He becomes the first recipient of this new prize for an outstanding performance in the Danny Gamble Open PSA Closed Satellite event at Canterbury Squash Club.

Overcoming injury, adversity, and using both brain cells to the maximum, he triumphed over a series of setbacks in spectacular fashion.

Tournament promoter JOE MAGOR sets out below the reasons for his nomination.

Withrington, hailing from Canterbury, recently took part in the Danny Gamble Open 2014 PSA Closed Satellite event, where his realistic target was a good run in the Plate Competition due to the quality of the players in the main draw.

Having seen off Kent Under 11 star, Josh Cutting in the qualifiers, Withrington, arrived at the club, rackets in tow, ready for Day One and to take on fellow tournament hero, Stefan Stanton of Winchester in the first round! Musical intro themes were also employed! The stakes were high, the rewards were great, the level of expectation was unprecedented, the match….was three points long!!!

Henry2Leading 2-1, in the very first game, Withrington let out an almighty scream as Stanton clobbered him with a racket to the eye in an identical manner to the David Palmer vs. Jonathan Power World Open Semi Final of 2002, when Power took a racket to eye and had to retire injured.

A trip to the Canterbury A & E was in order and after eventually being seen to, treated and given pain killers, the doctor placed a trio of restrictions on the Canterbury man in a bid to speed up the recovery process. These restrictions were:

1) No alcohol (presumably due to the pain killers!)
2) No further blows to the head (who would prescribe otherwise!!?)
3) No sports of strenuous exercise (presumably for blood flow purposes)

Upon being discharged, Withrington, being a man of sound judgement and the son of a doctor himself, headed straight to Canterbury’s Club Chemistry for a booze up (No alcohol!), was then subsequently punched in the face by a random drunk (No further blows!) before declaring himself fit to compete in the Plate Competition the following day! (No exercise) after having lost in the first round by default.

Day Two saw Withrington battle through the earlier plate rounds, only to be collared by Drinking Penalty Enforcer and local Peroni inspector, Gamble, who insisted that he owed two dirty pints (laden with spirits) as a penalty for “failing to complete his first round match”.

Protests fell on deaf ears and Withrington saw off his fines (well, kind of!!) before declaring himself ready to hit the town and off he went!

Day Three saw Withrington reduced to a broken man! Despite struggling to stand, he somehow took to the court to take on Copthorne’s Daniel Barrs in the plate semi final for a place in the final against his weekend drinking partner, Pete Higgins of West Worthing.

Henry1A match he should have lost on paper all day long, resulted in a titanic 12-10 in the 5th victory for the Canterbury man, which was met by a standing ovation as onlookers shook their heads in belief that this court jester, who was barely able to stand, was somehow still in the tournament!!

The final was just as entertaining but Higgins did enough to keep Withrington at bay as he edged out the final in 5 games, which , again, left the crowd clapping at full capacity at the end of it.

Withrington still won a trophy and cash for finishing as runner up, much to the amusement of the crowd in the trophy ceremony as they pondered how such a ridiculous man could walk away with a trophy and cash despite drinking himself silly, taking a racket to the eye and a punch to the head!!

Henry maintains his secret to success is not court sprints and ghosting, but Jägers and jabs to the face instead!

For those struggling to picture, what actually happened, the above illustration basically sums up Henry’s achievement!

With this, we proudly induct Henry Withrington into the Squash Mad Hero of the Month segment and for his troubles, will be the proud new owner of a personalised T-shirt immortalising his efforts on and off the squash court!


Want to be the Squash Mad Hero Of The Month? Know someone whose behaviour on and off the court can only be described as ridiculous? Why not write in to us at [email protected] and tell us who you think the hero of the month should be and why.

If we think that they are really that outrageous, they stand to win a coveted, free, superb quality, Squash Mad Hero Of The Month T-shirt!


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