‘It’s not your job to like me, that’s my job’
By DANNY MASSARO – Squash Mad Special Columnist
Self -Appreciation and Positive Self Talk can really help you on your way.
Life can be hard to deal with sometimes, so one of the most important things you can do is at least encourage yourself and be nice to yourself.
“IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO LIKE ME, THAT’S MY JOB.”
A good thing to do often is to remind yourself of all the things your best friend would say about you. Usually your best friend has a long list of qualities which they like you for. Have you ever asked them? Go ahead and ask them one day, it is really nice to hear.
Sometimes we say things to ourselves that we would not let other people get away with. So why let ourselves be so critical and negative? It is not a good idea to talk to yourself like you are somebody trying to put you down. In sport, you have an opponent to beat and that is enough. You do not want to add the pressure of beating yourself either.
Growing up we are reminded not to be big headed or over confident but sometimes this is exactly what we need to be. When I teach young people, I love seeing that inner confidence and freedom from negative self-criticism. I like a bit of a “show off” and I think it’s wonderful to see these moments, especially in sport.
The main thing is this:
“if you want to be loved by other people, it will be a lot easier if you can love yourself first.”
5 ‘SELF- DO’ EXERCISE OPTIONS
1. YOUR SELF CODE
Have a strong and supportive saying that you can say out loud or quietly
A good one may be:
” no matter how hard this situation gets I always have the inner strength to get through it”
” I always have the option to enjoy this moment and remind myself I am a good person.”
2. THE BEST LETTER
Write yourself a letter as if written by a person who always believes in you, respects you and loves you for who you are.
– I like you because
– You are making progress in
– I am your best friend because
– You are a superb team mate because you…
– I would struggle without you being about because..
– Your top 4 qualities are
3. BACK TO THE FUTURE!
What advice would the 80-year-old YOU tell you if they could send you a message from the future?
What would the 8-year-old YOU remind you of, if they could visit you for a few minutes from the past?
4. THESAURUS PLAY
Find as many different words as you can for your top 5 qualities
Determined – decisive, strong minded, stubborn, set, dogged, purposeful , gritty, resolute, tenacious, solid
Motivator – achiever, dynamo, busy, power source, mover and shaker, instigator, driver
Fit – capable, prepared, strong, tough, enduring, ready, able, equipped, hardy, durable
Get used to thinking about these words. Use them when you talk to people. Put a map of all these words on a page, scatter them and look at them often.
5. LAUGH AT YOURSELF
If you can laugh at yourself sometimes it shows lots of inner strength.
Nobody is perfect, so stop worrying about trying to be! If you can take a joke and laugh along at yourself it is actually a real form of self forgiveness. You feel a lovely release of tension as you let go of fears and pretending to be perfect.
So thank those people who poke fun sometimes. They are giving you a brilliant opportunity to take some pressure off!
Good luck. Try any of these exercises when you feel like it and they will help you.