Friday, March 1, 2024

Racketball: 57 guesses to come up with a new name

Stand by for a racketball revolution as new name is about to be announced

By Alan Thatcher, Squash Mad Editor

News reaches Squash Mad HQ from our outer space branch office that a decision has been reached for a new name for racketball. 

Please bear in mind that not a single racketball (or racquetball) player asked for a new name for their game. But let’s cut to the chase. (Yes, you can put cut on to a big, bouncy racketball, but we digress.)

The new name for racketball …. (cue drum roll, and make your sure you have a comfy chair to collapse into, or a soft carpet nearby if you happen to be reading this in a club bar somewhere) …. is …..

Wait for it, wait for it ……


Yes. That’s it: Squash 57.

Calls from an incredulous public have already clogged up the Squash Mad switchboard, overwhelmed our internet server, and forced hordes of players to camp outside the door to Court Three in utter bewilderment.

A representative of the world’s leading racquetball / racketball manufacturers nearly choked on her fortified wine when she heard the news, which is spreading like wildfire across a planet full of enthusiastic racquetball / racketball players.

She spluttered: “I had to check the calendar. It’s not April the first, is it? We are one of the biggest racket brands in the world but I can assure you that we were not consulted about this.

“I imagine this must be the work of a committee locked away in a darkened room somewhere, thousands of miles away from the real world.

“Whoever came up with this idea has no idea of the commercial implications. We have thousands of dollars’ worth of racketball stock out there in the market place.

“To rebrand all of our existing stock, reprint all of our brochures, rewrite all of our website pages and redesign every single piece of our racketball products would cost a fortune.

“It is not going to happen.”

TAKEN: Website domain names that were secured on April 28 this year

Some comments have been censored because we know we have a number of young, sensitive readers, but here is a sample of some of the remarks received at Squash Mad Towers this morning.

“Who came up with this crazy ******* idea? We play racketball. We love racketball. We will always play racketball and call it racketball. No one will take any notice of this.”

An irate club secretary demanded: “Who is going to pay for all the rebranding costs of every club or county which includes squash and racketball in their name? I can see a revolution over this. There is absolutely no need for this.”

Another caller screamed down the phone: “Is this supposed to represent the average of age of racketball players? Or their waist sizes? Or is it the IQ of the people who came up with this ******* ++*** **!++ idea?”

So, why 57? As we all know (or more likely, no-one knew or cared) that a racketball is 57mm in diameter. Genius!

COMMENT: Feel free to add further comments below.


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